Emoting

My brain rattles,
but it never comes out.
A bee’s nest.
I try to cry,
try to squeeze out what little is left,
but I just hear a dry rasp.
I should reach out,
say a word,
but I just can’t.
That’s when the tears fall,
when there are no words left.
It feels cold.
My throat froze.
My eyes mottled purple.
Tired but emptied.
It bleeds out.
Red earth.
It paints the world bright
so I can have a light
to hold on to.

KAF-theworldescaping

The choice I regret?

Placing the phone at the edge of the sink.

I was too impatient,

too young to know

how short life can be.

How a moment of inattention

could signify the loss of everything.

Only after tears are spilled, and

you waste enough of your life

making up for mistakes past, that

you’ll see it. Everything around you

is a knife’s edge

waiting

to snag your beating heart.

This lesson

comes with tragedy experienced over

an infinite amount of time. You see,

I placed the phone at the edge of the sink

And I’ve carried it with me ever since. 

I’ve cried over it, replayed it, shied away from it.

Such a simple action, a brief moment

in the past. But on my mind and heart,

it has inflicted a lifetime of misery.

KAF-THEWORLDESCAPING2016

It’s so ingrained

to care only for those like you and not speak up for others. Telling yourself that you were in the right.

It’s so easy

to become defensive and not realize, by doing so, you are telling another Human being that your comfort is more important than their personhood.

It’s so easy

to convince yourself that your beliefs and definition of self are more important than a Human life; than the struggles of a whole group of people who differ from you.

It’s so hard

to be humble and admit that you’re wrong; to allow your beliefs to be questioned; to truly open yourself to the words and experiences of others; to redefine yourself to become a better you; to empathize, and put a face to suffering.

It’s so hard

to validate someone else’s suffering and apologize for the all the pain that willful ignorance has put them through. For all the pain our ignorance has put them through.

So please, remember

to do what is hard instead of what is easy.

Allow yourself to change,

to be changed.

And in doing so, you will find

that your whole world is changing for the better.

Like a once empty sack filled with tears.

Skin so thin that as it trudges through life,

many holes will appear. Turning dust into mud;

it continues to live for the hope of surviving

metamorphosing into fulfilling. For the dead

cant hope, cant change, cant live.

I do not need a savior. I just want some company.
A warm hand on my shoulder, and some heartfelt words as the dirt stings my eyes.

Packing away emotions has become a special skill of mine.

I take each one, roll them into a small cylindrical shape, and place them side-by-side.

I slam down the suitcase lid and there they lay, forgotten for a while.

I go on about my day,

I listen and I’m there.

But when the day is over,

and the only sound I hear is the house breathing,

the lid pops open. All the pieces

that I have stuffed in there come flying out. They hit

my face, my heart, and stack up on my shoulders.

I become a hamper for stale emotions whose sources are long forgotten.

I guess I need a stronger latch or

learn how to wear intolerable emotions with grace.

I do not like that there was a you before me. I do not wish to be your whole world; that would be too much. But there are times that I wish I could blot out all else. Use my teeth and nails to rewrite your scars. Use my love and body to overwrite any romantic interests that came before me. So that you would be filled with me: heart, body, mind and soul; taste, touch, sight, and smell.

I curl around you with these selfish desires in my head. Wondering, if they leak through my skin or invade my eyes. Wondering, if you can feel them in my embrace or taste them on my lips. There’s really no reason to feel this way…except…you know…when we talk…there was never a comparison made where I was lacking. Before you and me, this rarely happened. You see…I just get greedy sometimes. You give me so much good, I cant help but want to have more.

Sorry about the long hiatus. I will be back with more poems. Starting tonight. It’s just…life has been too much to even put down in words. But i have projects! More graphic poems, more poems. Thanks for following and reading. If any of what I write reaches you and makes you feel less alone, I would be eternally grateful. Either way, Ill keep writing and posting with out any thought of the future. Rushing forward like an idiot and hoping for a better tomorrow is what I do best.

with all my love,

the worldescaping